Maybe in time (My 5 minute piece of art)

I met you in the times that I am struggling.
I didn't mind you 'til I'm ready.
I didn't look at you 'cause I might fall.
I covered my ears so I won't hear your steps getting closer.
But love, no matter how you tried to get away,
it holds you with no escape.
It conquers fears and doubts and leaves you clueless on what's happening.
It makes you feel strange. It awakens your heart and manifests the 'loving' you.
And right there, I was caught off guard, no fences to protect me, got no shield to embrace me.
I fell for you and who would have thought I'll be this ready, unlike before that I'm holding back of giving my all.
Three years. We made it. Three years we conquered distance. And so I thought.
Three years. Yes, three years and it's over.

Now we're living our lives separately. I see for real, it is really hard to slowly detach yourself from something (someone) that you've been doing for the past three years.
Healing takes time. I know. But how about closure, is that necessary? Will it ever help me to get away with this feeling if you will tell my WHY.
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? WHY IS THAT SO EASY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

Well, I don't know. I just held my phone, eyes on the ceiling and I thought of how we used to be.
Then I started typing. Weird though. 'Cause I haven't thought of you for so long now.

We are sailing our own boats now, departed but still living. Maybe someday I'll find answers to the questions that's been haunting me occassionally. Or maybe in time, I'll just let it all go and accept what happened, and just forget it---totally. Maybe you're just really meant to cross into my life and you're not meant to stay that long. But I've learned so much and felt so much too.
So, 'Til we meet again? Take heart. 😊

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I'm just feeling the need to express all these so I typed and here, you're reading it right now.
A 5 minute piece I made, not just for blogging but for expressing.

To leave and live

You said we can't make it and it's impossible.
But I tried, grew tired, and now, giving up.
Farewell to you my dearest uncertainty.
May you find the love that you seek.

Come what may

I am in love with someone I know I can never have. 
I am waiting though he never once told me to wait for him.. (and I know he never will) 
I am hoping and expecting though he show no motive.. 
I am also assuming as if his actions are for me though they aren't really for me. 
I am paranoid and crazy over this person. 
But now, I guess for almost a year of insanity, I am now starting to be back in reality. 
I've been hurt and waited long enough for someone whom I don't know if worth the wait. 
I've been completely out of my mind assuming and expecting that somehow, he'll love me in return. 
But these are all over now.. 
I'll no longer wait for you. 
I'll stop hoping and expecting. 
I'll try harder to hinder myself from assuming. 
This is one of the most difficult challenge I could ever give to my self, 
but for my own sake, and FOR YOUR SAKE, 
I must deal with this, no matter how difficult and impossible this may seem.. 


COME WHAT MAY.. 
GOODBYE SWEET FELLOW.. 
TAKE HEART, BE HAPPY. 


----#83-#23-#maninwhite
Feb.23.13

Man-in-white

the man-in-white to whom I fell in love. 

I missed the chance of sitting right beside you
To fulfill that dream to sit right next to you
To at least feel the presence of a sweet morning dew
To smell the fragrance of that perfume you used

I've missed that chance I longed for
but what happened made me tingle even more
I was able to stare at your eyes for so long
that attractive sparkling eyes that made my heart fall

In every glance I fall deeper into you
with that adorable half smile, now I can't move
I can't resist my thoughts of you and your charm
I can no longer move away, you caught me off guard

I am amaze on how you turn my world upside down
On how you made me this feeling I have now.
You're the sweetest impossible dream I can't have,
the man-in-white to whom I fell in love.

-01.23.13

Phantasos

Sometimes I wish I never slept
Never dream and never fell
sometimes I wish I should have opened my eyes
and see how cruel my world is with lies
I am wishing for something that might never happen
And the chances of seeing the reality was stolen
I let myself be amazed by fantasies
and forgot that what I am hoping is far from reality.

You always take away my sadness with a smile
Your presence makes me nervous all the time
I was caught in the middle of my wildest fantasy
Though the fact is that there can't be YOU AND ME.

I can't read your mind, but your actions bother me
Can't you read my mind and say that one thing I want to be?

I want to be your girl and make you smile
I want to spend my time with you, each day and night.
I want to be that someone who'll wake you up each morning.
Offer you kisses and a cup of good coffee.

I am catching my own shadow,
chasing after you
I am reaching for a star, an impossible thing to do.
There'll be no us for I know you don't see.
That somebody's out here, somebody's me.

I refused many a man because you are still
the only man I want, the only one,for real.
I've madly fallen for the man in my dreams
please I need an answer, is this worth the risk?

-01.26.13

I want ............

I want to get away with the notion that sacrificing is worth it..
I want to stop taking risks and continue hoping for nothing
I want to stop acting as if I'm always doing fine
I want to learn to manage and put down my pride
I want to have the courage to do all the things that I fear.
And pretend not to see whenever you're near
I want to hinder myself from believing that fairy tales do come true
I want to forget all my thoughts of loving you.

I just want to get rid with all my thoughts of you.
Those things that makes me tingle each time I look at you.
I want to make myself believe that DESTINY is not real
And that loving a person who can't love you back is not a BIG DEAL. 

For once, I want it all....
I want to control my own world and to do all the things that I want.
I want you to know that I'm falling deeper in love with you in each passing day.
That to be with you is incomparable to any words I should say
Please listen, I can no longer hold back.

Beautiful Nightmare

You fulfilled my dreams-- with another girl of your dreams.

I dealt the agony of loving alone and waiting forever
I carried for years the love that might happen never.
I assumed to the extreme and shed endless tears
Not knowing that the end will JUST brought me to this

This excruciating pain, this greatest down fall
This endless-like mourning I experienced after all
And the pain cannot be cover nor can't be deny
For my heart longs for the same scene that I wished for you and I.

I resisted every painful scene, I feigned the worst feeling
Now I don't know what should I do to prevent myself from loving.
What happened is quite a joke for me, I really should have known.
You have your girl, I'm here alone, the perfect ending of  a fairy tale I longed.